Salty Sam’s Fun Blog for Children
Number 584
Marriage
Hello Everyone
And they lived happily ever after…
That is the ending of a lot of fairy tales when the prince marries the princess, isn’t it?
But, unfortunately, in real life marriage does not always last happily forever.
Your parents might be divorced, and you might even be living in a family unit that you were not born into. lt might be a new family put together through a second marriage.
For most of human history, it was very convenient for people to get married.
lt was a social contract. People could marry for the first time at a very young age – even when they were a young teenager even.
Men might want children to carry on their business, and women who could not own property had a place to live once they got married. ln fact, sometimes women were treated as though they were property!
lt was like they were owned and controlled by men. They were the property of their father, and could be used to create an alliance between families by being given away by him to a husband.
A wedding day was the bride’s day. She remained a bride for a year and a day after her wedding day, and then was called a wife. After the wedding, the husband would make all the decisions for both of them. The bride even had to promise to obey him in her wedding vows.
But not all people through history got married – especially if they lived a life dedicated to the church: like priests, monks and nuns.
Since the middle of the 20th century, women have obtained many more rights and more independence than they did before.
Marriage experts say that people who make good marriages nowadays have the best marriages in the whole of human history. That is because they freely choose to be together, they are really good friends and have respect for each other’s needs and wants, and try to support each other in getting those. They are married because they absolutely want to be – not for reasons of survival or social approval.
When you get married, all that you own, is shared legally with the person you marry; so if you get divorced, there can be a lot of arguing over possessions.
When you get married, you have to think the same way about money, because the number one reason for couples arguing and divorcing is money.
lt is well worth getting to know someone really well before you decide to get married. Some people get married when they are very young and they don’t even know themselves properly yet, let alone who would be a good match for them.
Have you heard the saying ‘marry in haste, repent at leisure’?
That means if you rush into marriage, you can regret it.
The trouble is that when you fall in love, you feel really happy, and that makes you feel that all will be well forever. You believe that the person you have fallen in love with is what you want them to be – before you really find out what they are really like.
You can be wrong. lt is just your brain and your feelings playing tricks on you. They might not be the kind of person you want them to be at all!
Nature wants all things to procreate. That means that it wants flowers to make more flowers, plants to make more plants, insects to make more insects, birds to make more birds and animals to make more animals – and that means humans as well.
ln other words, nature wants life to continue on and on – but it doesn’t much care if you are happy or not. lt just wants you to pair up.
Psychologists (people who study human minds and behaviour) say that you can be in love in a very happy, dizzy way for about two years and then you calm down a bit and reality kicks in a bit more – so maybe nobody should decide to get married until those two years have passed.
Marriage seems romantic when you are young, but the reality is, that it is living every day life with one other person and you need to think that you will be able to get on well with that person for many decades to come – through difficult times as well as good ones.
Human brains take a long time to grow to maturity: female brains mature at the age of 25, and male ones at the age of 28, so making big decisions at a young age may not be such a good idea.
Another problem that can arise in marriage is that people show love in different ways and if your partner is giving love in a way that you don’t, you may not feel you are being loved. The same is true between parents and children too.
This is what people call the five love languages and are explained as follows…
Some people are very affectionate and others are not. Some people love giving presents and others aren’t fussed about possessions that much. Some people need to talk and be heard or spend a lot of quality time with their loved ones and some people need to hear that they are loved and appreciated in so many words; or ‘words of affirmation’. Some people like doing things for other – this is called acts of service like cooking meals and doing their laundry.
You need to know how your partner feels that you love them. And men and women’s brains work in different ways so they feel appreciated in different ways.
To create a good relationship communication is important, so taking time to talk to each other (and listen carefully too) about how you feel and what decisions you want to make about a situation keeps a relationship rolling along well.
Talking comes more easily on a long walk, especially in the countryside or by a river, or during a car ride when you have no other distractions.
Some couples have date nights to get them out of the drudgery of everyday life, and have something fun to look forward to once in a while.
So you could say that the couples that walk together talk together, and the couples that play together stay together!
Two parents being happy together is the best present they can give their children.
Emily went to the wedding of her mum’s friend a couple of weeks ago. She loved it and thought it was wonderful. She hasn’t stopped talking about it since. She said there were yellow and white spring flowers everywhere – even on the wedding cake. She has been drawing lots of designs of wedding dresses too. They are all very pretty.
But a wedding is just one day; and a marriage is supposed to be for life.
Marriages are different in different cultures.
Some marriages are arranged. A young man and woman are brought together by their families. They may only meet on their wedding day, or there might be a short courtship before the wedding.
The woman may even bring with her some property; this is called a dowry. A trousseau is a collection of clothes, accessories and household items that a bride takes into her marriage to support her in her new life.
Most marriages in the western world are between one man and one woman. This is called monogamy. (Mono stands for one.)
ln some parts of the world, one man may have more than one wife. This is found especially in Muslim-majority countries and in Africa.
The wives may live in the same house or the wives may have their own accommodation with their children.
There are places where one woman may have one than one husband. (This practice is rarer than one man having many wives.) This might be in a place where it is hard to make a living. Maybe the soil is poor and crops are not plentiful. More than one man is needed to work hard to support one family.
Having more than two people in a marriage is called polygamy. (Poly stands for many.) Polygamy is having more than one spouse. The word spouse can mean husband or wife.
ln some countries of the world, a man can marry a man and a woman can marry a woman; and in some countries this kind of marriage is not allowed.
Some people are not allowed to get married – like priests and nuns; although they did choose to follow that life path to begin with.
ln ancient Celtic cultures, people chose to get married for a year and a day, a lifetime or for all eternity.
They got married by jumping over a broomstick and having their wrists tied together (not permanently of course!).
And even today we use the terms ‘jumping the broomstick’ and ‘tying the knot’ to talk about marriage in a colloquial way!
Bye bye everyone – don’t forget to subscribe to my blog!
Love and kisses
Salty Sam
www.christina-sinclair.com
Bill and Bob’s Joke of the Week
Bill: What did Cinderella say when her photos had still not come through the post?
Bob: One day my prints will come.
Salty Sam © Christina Sinclair 2015
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of material from this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s author and owner is strictly prohibited.
Links may be used to www.christina-sinclair.com
Picture Gallery
Different parts of the world
have different wedding traditions
Henna decoration on the skin
A broomstick
THE SALTY SAM NEWS DESK
This week, Auntie Alice started a new project. She started to crochet some cat blankets.
They were going to be taken to the Rocky Bay animal Shelter.
When cats are brought into a rescue home they are sometimes traumatized. That means they are very upset or scared. They want nothing more than to snuggle up in a little bed and be left alone.
After a while, they will hopefully get to trust humans again. But it can take a lot of care and patience.
Then, if they are chosen by some nice humans to become part of a new family, they will go off to a new home.
It is a very good idea for them to take the blanket they had in their bed with them.
The blanket is a familiar thing in a strange, new place. And it has the cat’s smell on it too. Smells are very important to animals and the new home is likely to smell very strange to a cat that is probably already quite nervous of its new surroundings.
Auntie Alice crocheted her blankets because it was so easy to make quite a large square that way. She made each one a different colour.
The blankets needed to be a 2 foot square (or 60cm).
Of course, knitted blankets would be okay too, but you would need to handle a lot of stitches on your needle at once, or knit the blanket in sections and sew them together.
The knit stitch to use for blankets could be garter stitch or moss stitch, but not stocking stitch otherwise the corners will curl up.
You could make four squares or many squares. You could make them in the same colour, two colours or many colours.
The cat won’t mind if your knitting is not very neat because they will just want something soft and warm, but if it looks really nice, the people that take the cat will more likely keep it long term if it looks nice in their home.
If you like to have some handicrafts to work on all the time, and you have not got anything in mind that you would like to make for yourself, maybe you would like to make something for charity.
Get in touch with your local rescue home, and ask them if there is anything you could do for them before you start knitting or crocheting.
Your friends and neighbours might even give you odd balls of yarn that they have left over when they know you knit for charity and that would save you money.
If your parents’ marriage is breaking up, and you are very sad and worried, please remember that you can always talk to someone at Childline.
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Quick Quiz
Can you answer these questions?
- What does a leap of faith mean?
- What happens when you are hit by cupid’s arrow?
- What is the difference between a retreat and a refuge?
- What is the difference between a hand out and a hand up?
- What does doing something religiously mean?
lt’s the Weekend!
HOW TO MAKE POT PLANTS FOR YOUR DOLLS’HOUSE
There are plants that are so small that you can plant them in a small bottle top in compost and have a real plant growing in your dolls’ house.
It is called the mother of thousands.
Take it out of the dolls’ house to water it.
Once it grows too big, you will have to replace it and grow the larger plant on your own windowsill.
If you use a larger bottle cap to make an outside planter, you can fill it up with more compost and the plant will be able to spend more time in it.
If it is big enough you may be able to put other succulents in there like a burrow’s tail or a money plant.
Just one section that looks like a fat leave will be able to root itself and create a new plant.
Please note that the material on this blog is for personal use and for use in classrooms only.
It is a copyright infringement and, therefore, illegal under international law to sell items made with these patterns.
Use of the toys and projects is at your own risk.
©Christina Sinclair Designs 2015
Quick Quiz Answers
- What does a leap of faith mean? – doing something not knowing the outcome of your actions or choices
- What happens when you are hit by cupid’s arrow? – you fall in love without feeling that it was a feeling under your control
- What is the difference between a retreat and a refuge? – a retreat is where you go to rest and a refuse is a place to hide from danger
- What is the difference between a hand out and a hand up? – a hand out is taking charity and a hand up is taking advantage of help to better yourself and your circumstances
- What does doing something religiously mean? – doing something habitually (creating a habit)
